badcreepypastafandomcom-20200214-history
Nocturnal Excreations
A poor Tales From The Web ripoff by CQMorrell of deviantart, it's a self insert fanfic with him as himself killing a werejoshpeck that only wants a friend. TftW: Nocturnal Exsanguinations CQ, better known as cqmorrell from deviantART, was sitting at his desk chatting with a friend on Skype. Suddenly, he heard a screeching sound he swore sounded oddly happy, emanating from outside his bedroom window. He opened the curtains, not expecting to see the bizarre sight that greeted him on the lawn. It appeared to be about the size of a normal male teenager but was covered in matted black fur, with quills emerging from its back. The thing, if CQ wasn't outright hallucinating, even possessed the facial features of a former child television star. "What the fuck is this thing?" CQ said, partially to himself. He let the curtain fall back into place, and quickly dialed 911 on his cell phone. "911, what is your emergency?" "Yeah, there's some weirdo on my lawn. He looks like he's either high or he's casing my house." He peeked out of the curtain again at the thing, gave his address, then continued. "I really don't want this guy out here, he gives me the-" The creature on the lawn's ear twitched, and it turned to face him, grinning. "Oh, shit. J-just send someone, NOW!" The creature leaped to his window and proceeded to tear it from the wall. It leaped into the gaping hole it made, and spoke to him in the voice of the child television star it resembled. "Hi there! I want to be your friend, and make you into a werejoshpeck like me so we can be friends and play all night! Friends!" "Get the hell out of my house! I already called the cops, you freak!" "I just want to make you into a werejoshpeck like me, so we can be friends forever! Friends!" "I don't want to be friends with you! On top of that, you just wrecked my room! Are you gonna pay for this shit?!" "Let's be best friends forever, CQ! Forever!" Angered that this creature somehow knew his name, CQ spat, "Like hell I will!".The self-proclaimed "werejoshpeck" suddenly assumed a fighting pose and leaped towards CQ, attempting to slash him with its filthy claws. CQ quickly kicked it in the crotch, then reached under his bed and retrieved his shiny black .357 Ruger Super Blackhawk – locked, loaded and ready to kill shit dead. He cocked the hammer back and fired, one of the rounds hitting the creature square in the chest. It laughed even though its acidic, foul-smelling blood was already starting to leak on the wooden floor. "Ha ha, only magical or cartoon weapons can harm me! Magical!", it jeered in its vaguely familiar voice. "Abracadabra!" CQ proceeded to shoot the beast again again and again, dropping it to the floor with rounds to the kneecaps. It fell and CQ stepped on it, trying his best to put as much of his body weight on its damaged ribcage as possible. "Try as you may, you'll never get rid of the werejoshpecks! There's more after me! More!" the creature screeched, coughing up pinkish sputum as CQ's Croc-shod foot cracked three of its ribs. "So, nanoka?" He chortled at his own display of Touhou Project fanboyism. "Wish I could say I'm sorry for this." The creature squawked right before a .357 round hit right betwen its eyes, blowing its cranium apart in a chunky soup of skull fragments and almost totally unused grey matter. "Bibbidy bobbidy boo, motherfucker." Remember, if you wish to break into someone's home and force them to become your friend forever, even if you are a supernatural hellion spawned from the mind of a deranged man-child, you will face sudden and harsh consequences. Category:BCP Category:Pastas Category:Troll pasta